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POSTS OF THE MONTH  
~ APRIL 2007 ~




Robert & David ~ written by Siiri & Nikke.
Posted on the HoS Yahoo group March 2006.


The forest was thick in this area. Pushing his way through the last of the bushes that surrounded the outlaws camp, David hastened to catch up with his son who walked ahead, through the tangle of trees that led to the lake.

"Robert, ware the trees-" David began, a split second before Robert's sweeping stick clicked against a slender tree trunk to his left and he moved to the right to avoid it without breaking pace.

"I'm all right," Robert replied calmly over his shoulder, unfazed, and David wondered at his reply - how could anyone who was blind be all right?

David followed close behind his son as they headed through the thick trees, watching Robert's straight back and shoulders, still in a dither of anxiety about Robert's progress through the forest but not able to bear the thought of touching him to offer aid. It was as if Robert had suddenly turned into a leper, and although David detested that thought, he could not help himself.

He continued to follow Robert and watch his son, not able to take his eyes off him in a strange mix of curiosity and horror. Robert walked confidently without falter, at normal pace, tapping his stick from side to side before him, wending his way through the close clustered trees, somehow keeping to the thin deer trail and David wondered how on earth he did it - then watching the stick, realised that Robert could feel the narrow line of tracks rutted into the dryearth with the stick and thus could follow the trail.

Maybe Robert had some sight, David tried to console himself with, to be able to move around so confidently - though God knew how much he could see through those pupils. They were not just cloudy, they were solid white. Maybe it was akin to looking through a thick piece of white linen and some shapes around him in the world could be seen.

"Your woman...." David began.

"My wife," Robert immediately corrected over his shoulder as he walked through the trees towards the lake. "Rhiannon, my wife. She has a name, you know."

David ignored the correction. "My God, one side of her face is as twisted as a gargoyles and aye, as ugly! What possessed you to have a woman like that? Because no-one else would let you have them because you're now blind?"

Robert frowned as he walked on. "What makes you think that Rhiannon is ugly? God's teeth, sighted people have strange views of beauty sometimes!"

He came out of the trees and his stick now hit soft tangled grass and soft earth. The rippling of the lake was directly before him. He headed towards the sound, straight forwards over first grass and then a slightly sloping stretch of gravel and earth, until his stick splashed into the shallows that lapped at the gravel and earth. There he immediately halted and turned his head to listen as David moved to stand beside him.

"It's beautiful, don't you think?" Robert said out of the silence between them.

David looked before him at the lake. It was a large stretch of water, fed by a series of small waterfalls that dribbled continually down into it from the higher ground on the far side. The forest fringed the lake on all sides, but the sun was overhead and shone on them now.

He looked at Robert. His face was turned out towards the lake and he was in profile to David. He appeared to be listening to all that was around him, but his face showed signs of tension.

"Is this a camp site you use often?" David asked.

"Once in a while," Robert replied. "It's well-hidden and very few know it exists. And we like to keep it that way. Which is why Nasir blindfolded Hubert."

"I'm surprised you didn't blindfold me as well," David was sarcastic.

Robert did not like the sarcasm he heard in David's voice. "You're my father, I trust you."

"So you're wanting to be well-hidden at the moment, hence the choice of camp," David observed. "Anything to do with the soldiers you encountered yesterday?"

"That and the fact that some outlaws from Lincoln are casting boasts around that they will drive us out from Sherwood. We aim to be ready for them should their boasts turn into action." Robert drew his guiding stick up to his chest, turning his head from side to side to scan over the large body of water before him, casting his hearing out like a net in all directions, but in particular focusing it on the quietly agitated presence of his father several feet to his right.

David's quiet agitation discomfited Robert. He sensed that agitation was only going to increase as David plied him with more questions and did not receive the answers he wanted to hear. Robert felt his face twitch in response to the discomfited feelings within him and wondered what he was displaying for David to see. He kept his face turned to the rippling sound of the lake spread before them and waited.

"About this woman of yours-" David began.

"-my wife-" Robert was quick to correct once again.

"Well I don't blame you taking a woman," David said awkwardly. "A man has needs - even a blind man, I suppose. If she's the only woman you could get, then at least she serves a purpose to satisfy you..."

Robert had had enough. He swung round to face David, gripping the shaft of his guiding stick in one hand. "She is my WIFE!" Robert said heatedly. "I did not seek her to be so purely for my sexual satisfaction! If I had wanted only that, I would have sought myself whores! She chose me and I chose her. Tuck married us last summer. She is my wife!"

David kept his voice calm, using the patronising tone he had used to use with Robert as a headstrong child. "I don't think so, Robert, considering Tuck's an outlaw. The marriage would not be considered valid or legal, as Tuck has been excommunicated."

The patronising calm tone took Robert with a nasty jolt back to a controlled childhood where ideas and confidences of a ten year old eager to share had often been dispassionately quashed by such a tone. David's lack of movement before him annoyed him also - what was he doing, how was he feeling? Irritated by the lack of movement and lack of reaction in David's voice, Robert frowned and swung his head restlessly, unable to read his father correctly, feeling confused and at a loss as to how to respond verbally to the reply.

Irritated and bewildered by Robert's odd physical response, David reached out and caught Robert's head between his hands, stilling its movement with a stern jerk - then he suddenly stopped short as he noticed the way the sunshine fell across Robert's face without so much as a reaction from him.

"Dear God...." David took Robert's head more gently between his hands and turned Robert's face up to receive the full flood of sunshine, and stared hard at his son. The sunshine hit Robert directly in the eyes, yet he did not blink or screw them shut against the brightness. Instead, they remained wide open. David stared into the blue eyes with something akin to disbelieving horror. The eyes were not still, did not focus on anything, not even on David's face, close as it was. David tried to follow their movement to look into the eyes more deeply to try and determine the cause of the blindness. But he could not look into his son's eyes, for the pupils were a blank white.

Robert remained still, his hands by his sides, frowning slightly in bewilderment as he felt his face raised and then turned slightly and then felt the warmth of the sun full on his forehead. He realised he was being scrutinised closely, but for the moment he tolerated his head being tilted between David's awkward hands, for the touch was no longer restraining. Robert suddenly realised that up to then his father had still been fostering some vague wild hope about his sight. He stood quietly, still puzzled, unsure as to whether something was being asked of him in the way of reaction, and not knowing how to respond.

David stared at his son with horrified fascination. "I heard the reports of....of this when I returned to England," David said at last. "I had hoped that those reports were falsehoods...."

"No falsehoods," Robert said gently.

"I had to find you," David said.

"I understand. You wanted to see for yourself. Sighted folk need the evidence their eyes give them before they can oft believe anything they find unbelievable by merely hearing about it," Robert said.

David stared at him, puzzled.

Robert was just as bewildered by the silence and the lack of movement from his father. He wondered what was going on. He gently gripped his father's wrists and took them away from his head, turning his face down from the full heat of the sun.

"How long have you been like this?" David demanded.

Robert wondered how on earth to answer that question. "My blindness was restored a year ago," he replied quietly. He turned away and walked on along the lake edge, sweeping his stick from side to side before him, just waiting for that statement to dawn on David.

David stared after his son, then followed him along his calm progress along the lake shore, not knowing whether to take his son's arm and give assistance, or just let him be. "Why didn't you send word to me, Robert?" he asked as he caught up with his son and walked alongside him, looking into his face with concern.

"You were in NAVARRE, for Christ's sake...I was going to wait till you returned to England and then pay you a visit at Huntingdon..." Robert said.

"...Wait a minute," Robert's previous statement suddenly registered with David, and he stopped short. "Your blindness was RESTORED to you a year ago? You said your blindness was restored?"

Robert halted as well and turned to face him, inwardly knowing to dread the solid wall of disbelief he knew would come. "Aye."

"What do you mean, your blindness was restored?" David
demanded.

Robert drew his guiding stick up to his chest and leaned his hands on it. "Exactly that; it was restored. My sight wasn't taken from me, Father,
because I have never had sight. I was born blind."

"Has your mind been turned?" David gaped at him.

"Would you bear an explanation?" Robert enquired.

"Pray do explain." David was sarcastic. He folded his arms, all the while staring at his son with some horror, wondering if living in the forest had finally addled Robert's mind. Or mayhap blindness had addled it...

Robert wondered how on earth to explain. He fully expected disbelief. The villagers hereabouts had disbelieved the explanation at first - and perhaps some still did. Yet their belief in Herne made them accept what Robert had told them. His father had no such belief in Herne - so Hecate alone knew how his father would take the explanation, Robert thought.

He searched for the words to explain as simply as he could. "What you....what everyone...even myself....thought was sight, was not. It was a guise, some strange veil of artificial sight given to me by
the Powers of Light and Darkness."

He paused, listened to his father's presence before him, but there was nothing but silence. And the murmur of the trees around them, and the distant trickling of the waterfall into the lake.

He attempted to explain further. "The Powers of Light and Darkness knew I would be born blind - they wanted a male child born blind, to grow to become Herne's Son and help them defeat an adversary which they knew would come along. They knew only a man born blind could defeat the powers of this adversary. So they searched and found me already blind in my mother's womb. They waited for my birth, and when I was born, they immediately guised my blindness with a strange artificial sight of their making. They guised my blindness even from myself..."

He paused, listened again, his father was breathing oddly, heavily, as though fighting sadness, disbelief - and maybe even some strange kind of mounting anger borne of that sadness and disbelief. Robert continued.

"That evil adversary came to Sherwood last summer. The time had come, and so the Powers of Light and Darkness removed the guise of artificial sight from me. They restored my blindness so I could defeat the powers of this evil adversary. He was defeated - and now...everything is as it should be. I have been restored to my natural state. So you see me now as what I have been all along, under the guise the Powers placed upon me."

"This is nonsense." David found he shook with a mixture of irritation at the explanation, anger at being unable to control the situation. "Sherwood - or this so-called God called Herne has addled your brain as well as damaged your eyes beyond repair..."

"Father-" Robert felt a knot of apprehension twist inside him; David's reaction was exactly what he had expected and dreaded.

David continued on his furious outpouring of disbelief. "You were not - you were NOT born blind! - I held you an hour after your birth, your eyes were NOT like that, you were NOT born blind-! Christ's teeth, what is this MADNESS that has taken you over, Robert?"

Robert sighed in irritation and swung away from the raging voice assaulting his ears, away from the anger and disbelief that felt like a bucket of cold water being flung over him. Feeling over the ground before him with his stick, he walked on again along the lake. He found he could not remain still and contend with the tumult of feelings within him at his father's reaction. It was best to walk.

David hurriedly followed him, still angry and disbelieving. "You must have had an accident...."

"No accident," Robert said brusquely. "Do you not think my eyes would be scarred or disfigured if I'd had an accident?"

"Then illness-" David groped wildly for reasons.

"No."

"Then it's witchcraft of some sort-" David began, horrified.

"No, my eyes are nothing but the hand of Mother Nature," Robert said steadily. "And that's nothing for you to fear. Mother Nature should be respected, aye - but not feared. She does things for a reason, a purpose, even if we don't understand."

His stick knocked against a solid object ahead; he put out his hand, felt before him and found the horizontal line of the fallen tree that had toppledover at the waters edge years ago in a storm and now lay stretching out into it. It was a good place to sit, and he was tired of walking along the shore with his father hovering anxiously around him, watching him and expecting him to trip or walk into something.

Robert perched himself on the log to sit, stick between his hands, and waited.

David moved to sit beside him, not touching him, and stared at him, hardly liking to look his son in the face, yet drawn to those strange eyes, whilst the horrid suspicion that his son's mind was indeed addled, rose up inside him like bile.

"My poor child-" David said quietly.

Robert felt his face twitch in response to his father's pitying tone. Dismay flooded over him at it, even though he had been expecting it, he had not bargained for just how strong his dismay would be.

"I have little taste for those words," he replied.

David frowned. "My only son goes blind and you don't expect me to care?"

"Not your only son," Robert said gently. "And I didn't GO blind. I've always been blind..."

David ignored the latter correction. "My only LEGITMATE son..."

Robert found a way to draw the conversation off the subject of the cause of his blindness, which was obviously a conversation which was going to get nowhere in David's present mood. "So you know, then. That Gisbourne..."

David looked down at the ground. "Gisbourne came to Huntingdon just after I returned from Navarre. Three weeks ago. He confronted me. Told me."

"What did he tell you?" Robert asked, both curious and uneasy, tilting his face slightly in the direction of his father's voice to listen, eager to pick up all the clues he could about how his father felt over Gisbourne.

David's voice was reluctant. "He told me he knew I was his son. He didn't tell me how he knew. He didn't tell me how he had found out."

"Did you know he was your son before that day?" Robert asked.

David shook his head, looking ahead of him into the cool green scenery of Sherwood; it was like a balm to his eyes in the bright sunshine, it soothed his thudding head and seemed to have a calming effect. "No. No, I didn't know he was my son until he came and told me he was." He paused. "I'd always held a vague dislike for Gisbourne, being in de Rainault's shadow as he was... Our paths have crossed in the past, of course, I knew he was Margaret's son...there were occasions I glimpsed him and saw Margaret in him. Made me think of her, sometimes." He shot a glance at Robert. "But I never saw myself in him...until I knew. But that's often the way, isn't it? You don't see things, make the connections, until you know that there are connections there to be made."

Robert lowered his head, unsure, only half-understanding. Seeing was a mystery to him.

"You acknowledged him," Robert said quietly. "I'd heard the news that you had acknowledged him as your bastard son."

"I felt I owed him that much. As he gave me the details, the date of his birth I realised without a doubt that he spoke the truth - I did father him." David looked at Robert. "You're not disputing this. I would have thought you would be telling me he was lying."

"No," Robert said wearily, "he's not lying. It's all true, I know it to be so. I've had the knowledge of my blood-tie with him for the past two years... I don't dispute it. At all. He is your son."

"How did you learn of this?" David asked.

"Margaret of Gisbourne herself. We met....we rescued her two years ago when she was attacked by outlaws as she travelled to Croxden Abbey on pilgrimage." In a few brief sentences, Robert told David of that time, and then there existed an uneasy silence between father and son once more.

"So you met her...." David murmured. He stared down at the ground. "I had not seen her for years. She was beautiful when I first knew her. Was she still when you met her?"

Robert gave a slight bemused laugh. "I know not what she looked like. I know not what anyone looks like. But I remember her voice was patient, her manner was calm, her movements were graceful, her touches to my arm were light. She possessed a good heart. Is that the beauty you seek or the beauty of the sighted, who look and judge by their eyes alone?"

David didn't answer; taken aback.

"Like I said," Robert said wryly, "you sighted have strange views of beauty."

David looked out across the lake and remembered how the candle-light had shone on Margaret's hair at the feast where they had first met.

"I heard she died at Croxden not long after," Robert said more gently, listening to his father's silence, trying to read him. "Her journey was over and she could rest."

David crossed himself. "Aye, I'd heard she died. God rest her soul. She was a good woman. As your mother was a good woman."

They both fell to awkward silence for a moment, whilst around them the trees moved slightly, whispering in the breeze, and the lake rippled. A bird called from a nearby tree, and another answered.

"Robert, we need to talk about what the future holds for you now you're blind and reliant upon others-" David began at last.

Robert immediately recognised the lead-in to an as yet unspoken topic and sought to nip it in the bud before a full scale argument erupted. "Father, don't start badgering me to go back to Huntingdon. I can't. This is my destiny. The choice has been made, and I have made it." He turned his head to face his father, scanning over him curiously. "I wouldn't change anything," Robert said softly. "I'm happy as I am, happy WHERE I am. Happy WHO I am."

David stared at him. "My God, you are truly mad if you believe all you have told me, if you are happy as you are...." David breathed in horror. "You're blind, for the love of Christ - how can you be happy with THAT?"

Robert gave an annoyed frown and swung his head frustratedly, annoyed that he could not get through to his father.

David interpreted the gesture as one of frustration clearly enough - but linked that frustration towards Robert deep down not being happy yet refusing to admit it.

"You've always been stubborn, Robert," David said. "I do understand that part of you. You inherited it from me. And now you're stubbornly refusing to admit that you cannot continue here in Sherwood. It can't be easy, being unable to do what you used to be able to do. You must be fighting to keep your men under your leadership. The fact that they have stayed with you says much for their loyalty."

Robert lowered his head, frowning down at the ground, and did not speak. David watched his profile curiously, trying to read Robert's face. He found he had substantial difficulty. There was something alien about Robert's face now he was blind. He kept pulling fleeting expressions at empty air. Perhaps because he had no sight to know where to direct those expressions, thought David. But he still found Robert's face strange and difficult to read. There was no eye contact and that to him was worst of all.

"But it's not going to be this way forever," David continued at last. "Don't you SEE that, Robert?" He stopped short for a moment, agonised as he realised what he had just said, then continued. "Your men will leave you eventually. Or you're going to get an arrow in the back from one of Gisbourne's men."

"They won't leave me," Robert replied with certainty. "And as for the arrow in the back, I'll take my chances."

David sighed.

"What is it?" Robert asked sharply, hearing the sigh and sensing there was much loaded behind it that David had not yet divulged. "There's more, isn't there."

David unlaced the neck of his jerkin and reached for the roll of parchment he had carried with him from Huntingdon. "I came into Sherwood to find you, aye, find out if what I heard was true. I have the proof before me. So I ask you to come back to Huntingdon with me today-"

"-No-" Robert interjected firmly.

David interrupted him in return. "-You wanted to know if there was more, so let me finish. There's more. I have this...."

He took from his jerkin the roll of parchment. Robert turned his head towards the movement, hearing a crackle of parchment and a slight shift of clothing, bewilderedly wondering what his father was doing now. He bewilderedly scanned over the presence beside him but could not tell. Then he felt his father's awkward hand take his wrist and move his hand forwards - and then his fingertips were pressed lightly to a roll of parchment held before him.

Robert put out his other hand and felt both over what was in front of him, finding it was his father's other hand holding that roll of parchment. He explored both hand and roll of parchment within it before taking hold of the roll. Lifting the roll of parchment to his face, Robert bent his head slightly and put his nose to the roll of parchment, then touched his lips briefly to it in exploration, gathering information. The ink smelt fresh and the parchment smelt and felt new - this was no old document. One end was weighted down with a row of ribbons with wax seals upon them.

Robert unrolled the parchment on his knee, and ran the fingertips of his right hand over it, keeping a section unrolled open with his other hand. David watched the fingers, glanced up at Robert's face uplifted from what he was feeling, and felt sorrow like a dagger-stab, for Robert's actions were truly those of a blind man. "What is this?" Robert asked bewilderedly, feeling over the surface of the parchment. "It's a letter? Who from?"

David looked at him. "It's your pardon. King John has given you a pardon."

Robert recoiled his fingers from feeling over the surface of the parchment as though it had burnt him.

"No..." he exclaimed in shock rather than denial, pausing his fingers on his knee aside from the parchment.

"You don't believe me? Here." With heavy heart, David took Robert's wrist and guided his fingers to the plethora of seals hanging from the ribbons at the bottom of the unscrolled parchment. "These are the Kings seals."

Each ribbon was stamped with two or three wax seals of varying sizes. With a delicate fingertip, Robert explored the surface of each wax seal, even the smallest ones, tracing the impressions in the wax.

"Do you want me to call Tuck to read the pardon to you, confirm what I have said is true?" David asked.

"No. I have felt the seals of the King before and I recognise them before me now." Robert's fingertips delicately explored each wax seal, one by one. David watched him and could only begin to imagine what his son's world of total darkness was like.

"Explain about this," Robert said finally, still fingering over the final ribbon of wax seals. His mind felt in a daze - this pardon was the last thing he had expected.

David watched Robert's face, seeing disbelief and shock there. He sought to speak calmly, putting all the truth into his voice for Robert to hear. "I travelled to London when I returned from Navarre and heard of your blindness, and once in London, I sought audience with the King. News of your blindness had reached him long ago. I begged him to pardon you, in view of your...your incapacitation, and he was merciful. That pardon you're holding cost me a pretty penny. Some prime lands."

"You should not have gone to this expense," Robert said bluntly.

David had expected this reaction but even so felt affronted. "You're my son. You're now blind and helpless, yet still living as an outlaw in Sherwood, unable to fend for yourself. What else could I do."

"Leave me to live the way I choose?" Robert suggested.

David grew irritable. "Don't be so ridiculous! You're blind."

"Does that make me incapable of choosing my path for myself?" Robert demanded.

David's answer was telling in its tone of finality. "I believe it does in these circumstances."

Robert moved his hand upwards from the ribbons and the seals and his fingers slowly traversed the surface of vellum parchment once again, wondering. How words appeared on parchment was a mystery to him. "Does this pardon also pardon my men?" he asked.

David's answer was definite. "No."

"Does it pardon my wife?"

"No."

"What about my daughter?" Robert asked.

"There is no mention of the child. The pardon is for you alone."

Robert rolled the parchment up and held it out in David's direction. "Did you really expect me to accept this, Father?" There was no answer, no movement from David to take back the parchment; Robert frowned and thrust the parchment against David's chest. "Take it! And dispose of it. I want it not."

David snatched back the roll of parchment, and sprang up from the fallen tree to angrily stride the handful of paces down to the edge of the lake where he halted, the parchment clenched in one thwarted fist. "You ungrateful wretch! After all I have done for you in this matter..."

Robert felt the flame of anger heaten his face, and he sprang up from the fallen tree and followed his father to stand beside him. "I never asked you to-"

"After all the COST I have put into obtaining this pardon for you-"

"-I never asked you to give up your lands and monies...."

"-You THROW it back in my face!" David swung round on him in despair and frustration. "What am I supposed to do, Robert? You're my son and I love you. How else do I show that love for you? How else are you to know?"

Robert suddenly turned to him, and put out both hands to find his father's shoulders. Finding them, he moved his hands upwards to find his father's face, longing above all else to feel his father's face, learn what he was like, read this man by feeling his facial expressions. Curiously, he spanned the fingertips of both hands out across the face before him to explore, tracing those fingertips across a lined forehead that kept puckering, eyelids that blinked and eyes that pulled narrowed for some reason as he touched them, heavy brows that knotted, and he moved one hand down to feel over the man's mouth to gain further clues and found it unsmiling, the jaw tensed.

This strange face before him which yet belonged to a familiar voice and set of movements was twitching and seething with movement as his fingers explored, and Robert moved his face in response, trying to copy with his own face the movements he felt, wondering if that was the way to communicate back to his father successfully. Sighted people oft spoke a bewildering silent language with the movement of their faces, and the nuances of it were a mystery to him, though he had learnt that trying to copy with his face back to his close friends the movements he felt on theirs sometimes seemed recognisable to them and yielded favourable results; they would laugh or smile and seem to understand his facial movement, and touch his cheek or hug him. In truth, Robert ached for that response now from David after all the brusque words that had been spoken between them.

David stared at his son, momentarily taken aback by Robert suddenly reaching out and feeling his face. The action was so strange, so alien; these seeking, searching, intrusive fingers exploring whilst the eyes were useless - he looked into Robert's face, looked into the eyes which roved past him as though he were invisible - and it made his stomach almost want to heave.

He immediately drew back, feeling discomfited, quickly catching Robert's wrists, and pushed Robert's hands sharply aside from his face.

The feel of his hands suddenly grabbed by the wrists and abruptly thrust aside was a shock for Robert; it was as though a pail of cold water had been thrown into his face - into his heart. He had been denied touch - denied information, denied expression, and there was no worse feeling in the world than to receive such physical rejection.

His own father had denied him.

Robert stood still for a moment, still facing his father, his hands by his sides, and then he clenched his fists and swung away from David in reaction, presenting his back to his father, to face out over the lake. He drew in a shuddering deep breath, struggling with the enormity of such rejection. Both angry and distraught, he felt his chest heaving and his shoulders shake as he drew those deep breaths, felt his jaw clench and his eyes screw up in emotion - and yet all the while, his ears fixed on the direction of his father's presence.

Unsure as how to react to his son, David stared at Robert's back. He felt shocked, sad beyond expression - and angry at being thwarted by his stubborn son who would not bend to his will, even now he was incapacitated.

Finally, without a word, David turned and walked several paces up the gravelly lake shore. Halfway up the slight slope, he halted and half turned back to look at Robert where he still stood facing out over the lake, his back turned to David.

"I can't do anything for you, can I." David's voice was full of hopelessness. "My wretched son whose heart denies his pitiful situation and whose mind has clearly been addled by that forest god of yours. I can't do anything for you, can I."

Robert, his back to him, faced out over the lake, struggled to fight down the sadness in himself, the wrenching of his innards.

"You could be my father and embrace who I AM; who I really am, the man who stands before you now - not the man you thought I was, the man you wanted me to be," he flung out over his shoulder at where David stood several yards away behind him.

David shook his head to himself. "You were perfect as a child - so perfect... All your senses. How CAN I embrace who you are now? How can I be happy about it? That's not something for a father to rejoice about. To be happy about. That's something for a father to grieve about."

Robert did not answer; just gulped in the warm summer air, screwing shut his eyes, aware that hot tears had flooded out of them and were running down his face, aware that this issue between he and his father was hopeless - his father had a fixed view of him now The pushing away of his hands when he had tried to feel his father's face had been a terrible rejection - rejection of him as a blind person.

"Do me one favour," David said at last out of the silence between them in the peaceful summer day. "Mention this pardon which you have thrown back at me to no-one. I would rather not be publicly mocked by my contemporaries - or your men for that matter - in view of all I have lost to gain it for you."

"You have my word," Robert replied quietly.

"I'll not trouble you here again," David said finally. "I'll take my man and go. Would that I had never come." He turned away.

Robert jerked his head slightly round at the sound of David's footsteps scrunching away up the gravel shore. "Father?" he asked.

David stopped once more and half turned back to look at his son. His reply was brusque. "What."

Robert gulped down the sick knot which seemed to be rising from his stomach to his throat. "Be wary of Gisbourne. I would hate you to be hurt."

"Gisbourne isn't the son who has caused me hurt." David's voice was cold.

He turned and walked away.

Robert listened to the footsteps recede and disappear once more into the trees, and where he stood, lowered his head and was silent, biting his lip.

                                        **********************




Timothy ~ written by Rhys.
Posted on the HoS Yahoo group January 2006.


Where he sat on a stool at the long table in the kitchens, Timothy lifted the beaker of ale to his lips with his left hand and drank, whilst the fingers of his right hand explored with pleasure the cheese and new bread on the platter before him.

After the hard work of the morning with all the bustle of the bakery around him, this noon meal in relative peace was to be savoured.

He set the beaker aside on the table, and turning his head, listened around him.

The kitchens had quietened since the morning. A couple of the men had gone to chop and haul wood for the oven fires on the morrow, and from outside the kitchen in the bakery yard there came the noise of the grindstone as Hal sharpened some of the kitchen knives, Timothy having tested them and found them too blunt for his liking. The women - Enith and Margery - had gone home to their menfolk, and one of the scullions was in the corner of the kitchen scrubbing away at the innards of iron pots with a mixture of coarse sand and water.

Not a bad morning, in all, thought Timothy where he sat at the table, his fingertips paused on the pewter rim of his platter, listening to the squeal of the grindstone outside and the sloshing of the water from the sink.

He sighed and rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes - he was tired from having constantly been travelling these past three months, his surroundings continually changing around him as he had moved on. There had continually been new layouts of alehouses, villages and towns to find his way around, new voices to recognise and assign names and personalities to, amid a whole host of other sensory changes to acclimatise to, returning to England from Portugal after eleven years of being away.

He missed the sounds and scents of Lisbon, and England when he had first landed at Southampton, had seemed disorientating. But he was back in familiar territory now - Nottingham - and he would welcome being here for a while, and so he was content. He had a job, food on his plate - and he was content for the moment.

This morning, after his address to the kitchen workers, he had done a thorough inventory of the kitchen and all its utensils and equipment, exploring everything with curious fingers that had missed nothing, whilst, he had been aware, the kitchen workers had stared at him, curious themselves at his methods of learning his surroundings. They had soon seemed to realise that he knew his job and knew it well, and that they would not be able to dupe him because of his blindness. Just as well, thought Timothy dryly. He was well-versed in the ways of kitchen workers trying to dupe him because he was blind. He knew all the tricks.

Little had passed his cleanliness inspection - which was why the scullion was over in the corner of the bakery kitchen now, doggedly scrubbing and sloshing away at a whole range of pots and utensils.

Now, Timothy stretched out a hand and lightly trailed his fingertips over the wooden surface of the table before him and smiled to himself in satisfaction as his fingertips met no thin film of flour or dust, or sticky patches, but instead almost squeaked over the wood.

"I will check every surface you scrub, every day," he had told Enith and Margery. "With these," and with a teasing smile he had held up his hand and wriggled his fingers at them. "These are far far better than eyes that can see, believe me."

He had gained the clear impression that Enith and Margery didn't believe him for one moment that feeling with fingers was better than seeing with eyes, but that was their problem. They had not quibbled with him anyway, but had resumed their scrubbing, muttering low to one another. There had been a lot of whispering going on in the kitchen between the kitchen workers this morning which they hadn't seemed to think he could hear. Maybe they thought he was deaf, as well, Timothy thought wryly.

He turned his head towards the open door of the kitchen as he heard voices; children's voices talking to Hal outside in the bakery yard. He focused in on the conversation and listened interestedly, his brow twitching in fascination and curiosity at the sound of these new voices.

"Is the blind man in there, Hal?" asked a breathless young girl's voice.

"What are you doing here?" Hal growled in response; Timothy grinned to himself; he had quickly judged for himself that Hal's bark was worse than his bite, and clearly the children knew this also for they seemed unfazed by his growl.

"Come to see the blind man," a young boy's voice replied confidently. Timothy listened, interested.

"He'll not want to be bothered by the likes of you," Hal growled back, but with a certain grudging respect he would definitely not have given to any ordinary child who had found their way off the streets of Nottingham.

_These must be Henri's children,_ thought Timothy, and was intrigued.

Another young boy spoke, tones of disappointment ringing in his voice. "Oh, but we wanted to see him."

"Never seen a blind man before - not up close," added the first boy's voice.

Timothy spoke out loud to the direction of the open kitchen door. "It's all right, Hal, they can come in if they have such a mind to view me as an exhibit."

There came a pause, as though both Hal and the children out in the yard were surprised by the invitation. Then:- "Well, go on then, you heard him," Hal said gruffly to the children, and the squeal of the knife-grinder started up again.

Timothy lifted his head higher, levelling it at the door as the children quietly filed in and he followed the moving line with his face as they filed round the perimeter of the kitchen to where he sat. Intrigued, he swung round on his stool so his back was to the table and sitting there, his hands resting on his knees, he waited interestedly as the children came towards him and gathered curiously around him in a semi circle.

There was silence, a few restless movements from the children where they stood. Timothy scanned from side to side over this semi-circle around him, and identified five separate presences of different heights. The smallest one, a girl who seemed no more than the age of five, was directly before him, and her two brothers, the ones he had heard speak, flanked her. Two other girls flanked the boys, one on each side.

Timothy waited for someone to speak, but no-one did. There came this hushed, awed, fascinated silence. Timothy did not doubt that every eye was fully upon him. The attention they were giving him was like a firm weight pressing against him.

"So," Timothy said easily at last to the semi circle of children, "you've come to see the blind man, have you? Well, here I am. Do I disappoint or live up to your expectations?"

The boy to Timothy's left finally found his voice and it was full of
bewilderment. "Disappoint?"

"Well, you might have been expecting someone with three heads - I only have one, as you can see," Timothy said.

"Why aren't you with some travelling freak-show?" the boy to Timothy's right boldly demanded, and Timothy twitched a frown at the more aggressive tone of questioning from this one.

"Alas, it's the lack of three heads," Timothy said ruefully, "I'll never be able to make a career of being a travelling freak-show exhibit because of it. That's why I'm a cook, instead."

"I seen a chicken with two heads," the little girl directly in front of him volunteered, speaking for the first time.

Timothy directed a smile at her. "Lucky chicken. It can eat twice as much in the same space of time."

The girl on his left giggled; he immediately jerked his head slightly round to focus on the giggle and smiled in recognition; it was the same giggle he had heard at the kitchen door earlier this morning when he had been addressing the kitchen workers. A little girl's giggle. So this was the one who had been watching him this morning from the door, Timothy thought.

"Were you born blind, or did you get sick or have an accident?" asked the girl who had giggled, and Timothy sensed she had been bold enough to finally ask the question the children had all been itching to ask, for now from them came a collective aura of immense trepidation as to how he would react to such a personal and intrusive question.

"Born blind and proud to be so," Timothy replied, giving the girl another smile.

They fidgeted uneasily before him, not seeming to know what to make of that reply, and he listened to their fidgeting with a further smile, greatly amused by their awkwardness.

"You've got funny eyes," the boy to his left said at last.

Timothy grinned, unoffended. He was well aware his eyes moved oddly and they fascinated sighted people. He presumed his eyes were fascinating the children right now. "The good Lord created my eyes to entertain sighted folk with, rather than to see."

"You've got a squint," said the bolder boy to his right.

A squint....Timothy had often been called Squint-Eyes or Cross-Eyes by other children when he had been a child. He knew that his left eye often turned inwards towards the direction of his nose, and that was viewed as a squint by sighted folk. When his right eye decided to turn inwards towards his nose at the same time, then that was viewed by sighted folk as being cross eyed. Not that he knew at any given times how his eyes were behaving, unless someone like now commented.

"Why don't they go straight, your eyes?" asked the bolder boy. "They keep moving around but they don't stop on anything, and they keep going squinty or crossed. Why don't they go straight?"

Timothy turned his head to face the boy's voice, scanning over him curiously, hazarding a guess he was the elder of Henri's two sons. "Because I can't see anything."

The children was fascinated by this individual - presumably their only experience of someone blind up to now had been hopeless beggars in gutters, Timothy thought wryly.

"Nothing at all?" asked the girl who had giggled.

"No."

"Not even the bright light from the sun?" asked the boy on the left.

"No."

"Is it all darkness?" curiously asked the girl who had giggled.

Timothy felt his brow twitch in perplexment; sighted people had asked him this question before and he never knew how to answer. "I don't know, I've never seen darkness either."

"That's silly," said the bolder boy with the tone of he knew what he was talking about. "If you can't see light, then you HAVE to see darkness."

"What is darkness like?" Timothy asked the children.

The smallest girl directly before him gave a one word answer. "Frightening."

"Do I look as if I'm frightened?" Timothy asked.

"Nooooo...." she said hesitantly, still in awe of him.

"Well, then, whatever darkness is like, it can't be bad." Timothy folded his arms and sitting there on the stool, interestedly turned his head from side to side across the semi-circle, curiously scanning the children for their reaction.

"Bad things live in the darkness, that's why it's frightening," the boy on Timothy's left volunteered. "Monsters."

"Not so. Bad things like monsters live in your mind, your imagination, and that's inside you. Darkness is a physical, external element," Timothy said.

He wondered what they would make of that. They fell to silence, absorbing what they had been told, and he listened amusedly to their silence, almost able to hear the cogs in their mind turning.

"It must be dreadful to be blind." The girl on Timothy's right spoke for the first time; a more mature voice than her siblings, yet still a impudent, mischievous voice of someone not yet an adult.

"Why so?" Timothy asked, turning his head to face the voice, fascinated by the opposing elements he heard in it.

Her reply was a soft outburst of mixed compassion and patronising, puzzled because he did not agree with her statement. "Because you can hardly know ANYTHING! I mean, if you have never seen ANYTHING, in your entire life, not even light....then surely you can't KNOW much, can you?"

Timothy laughed. "Well, if you were to ask me what a tree looks like, I wouldn't be able to tell you. But if you were to ask me what it sounds like, feels like, smells like - I would be able to tell you all too well."

"Smells like? I didn't know trees smell," piped up the bolder of the two boys.

"Well, next time there's rain, go and put your nose against a tree trunk," Timothy said. "You'll find it smells much differently from how it does in hot dry weather."

There was a bemused silence at this, as though they were all thinking he was mad, Timothy thought with hilarity.

He continued. "As to not knowing much....I know plenty and I don't need eyes. You must be Henri's children."

"How do you know that when you can't see us?" asked the boy on the left.

"By using my senses and some logic. I know that there are five of you here around me. Two boys, and three girls. I know Henri has five children - two boys and three girls - and I've heard that giggle before," he turned his head to his left to once more scan  over the girl there. "You crept to the kitchen door earlier on, didn't you. This morning, when I was talking to the kitchen workers. I heard you giggle at the door." He smiled at the girl. "It was the giggle of someone who perhaps shouldn't be in her father's kitchen whilst it was so busy."

"You're clever," the smallest girl directly in front of him said admiringly.

"Clever for a blind man," the boy on his right corrected.

Timothy ignored the patronising tone. "So, now I have identified you as Henri's children, tell me your names. One by one. Starting from here - this pretty one with the long hair in two braids and the sweet round face and the pretty snub nose and the smiling mouth." He spoke as he reached out and gently and briefly swept his fingertips over the face and head of the little girl on his left, travelling his fingers down the long braids that flowed over her
shoulders.

"Manon," she said, seeming a little surprised to having her face suddenly explored in this manner, but not shrinking away from his touch as many sighted people did. Timothy moved his curious hand on to touch the face and head of the boy next to her, and found tight curls, a nose similar to his sister's, nervously blinking eyes at his face being explored in this manner, and a slightly parted mouth.

"Yves," the boy volunteered and Timothy moved his curious hand on to the next child.

"Aline." The smallest girl directly in front of him almost eagerly turned her face up to receive his curious fingertips, as if not wanting to be left out because she was the youngest, Timothy thought; she seemed no more than five years of age. He smiled, stroked the curve of her plump cheek and the fall of her straight hair, and moved his hand upwards to curiously touch the face of the bolder of the two boys. Scarce had his fingertips touched the angular jawline, when he found his hand roughly pushed away.

"I'm Guillot," the boy stated.

Timothy said nothing at the action - many people found his touching of their faces odd and did not like it or felt uneasy - and this was only a child. Instead without comment he moved his hand on to the last girl to the left of him, found her shoulder, and found she was taller than all of them. "Celeste," the voice introduced with a soft, almost cheeky laugh, her full lips moving as his fingers explored them, and as he moved his hand up to touch well-formed cheekbones and smooth high brow and a fall of loose soft hair held in place by a metal fillet, Timothy got the feeling he was being studied very interestedly by Celeste de Normanville - but in a slightly different way from the other children.

Celeste was the oldest of Henri's children, he remembered Henri saying. Fifteen - and at fifteen, no longer a child.

He was careful to touch her face in far more of a light and restrained way and did not stroke her cheek in friendly greeting as he had done with the two younger girls.

"What's YOUR name, blind man?" Guillot asked.

Timothy dropped his hand to rest it on his knee once more. "Timothy."

"Timothy of where?" Yves asked.

"Timothy of Nottingham now, I suppose," Timothy replied wryly.

"And before that, what were you?" Guillot pressed.

"Timothy of Lisbon," Timothy replied.

"Where's that?" asked Aline.

"Lisbon, Portugal." Celeste's voice was knowledgeable, cutting in before Timothy could explain. "South across the seas from here."

"Portugal!" Yves sounded full of awe, as though the land was as far away as the moon, Timothy thought. "The Crusaders conquered Lisbon, took it from the Moors."

"That was more than fifty years ago." Timothy was amused. "It's a peaceful place, now."

"In the year of Our Lord 1179, Pope Alexander recognised Alfonso the First as King and Portugal as an independent country with the right to conquer lands from the Moors," Guillot quoted solemnly. "With the papal blessing, Portugal was at last secured as a country and safe from any Castillian or Leonese attempts of annexation."

Timothy laughed. "You have obviously been learning your history very well from your tutor."

Guillot's voice was pleased at the praise. "Father employs one of the best tutors in Nottingham for Yves and I."

"Have you been to Castille and Leon?" Yves asked.

"Aye, over the years," Timothy said. "Both fine kingdoms. But I loved Portugal - and Lisbon - the most." His mind briefly flashed back to the warmth of Beatriz's skin against his and without success he tried to push away the memory of their parting the day he sailed, her face touched to his, her breath hot against his cheek as she asked softly: _"Voltaras p'ra mim?"_

It had been the question he had dreaded and yet the one he knew she had been gathering the courage to ask him; if he would return - to Lisbon, to her.

_"Voltarei p'ra ti,"_ he had replied. And yet he had not known despite the assurance that he would return, whether he would be able to keep that promise to her. He only knew he should say it, to keep both their hearts happy.

And had come her assured reply. _Esperarei por ti"_

It was a rare woman who told her lover that she would wait for him, Timothy thought. When he was disappearing across the seas and knew not where his quest may lead him...

He jerked out of his memories at a tug at his sleeve, wanting his
attention.

"Are there monsters in Portugal?" Yves asked curiously.

"No. But-" and Timothy leaned forwards and spoke in a conspiratorial tone, "when I sailed from Lisbon to Southampton three months past, as we sailed the Bay of Biscay, the sailors told me tales of sea- monsters living in the depths that they had seen. Huge monsters with long curling arms, that came up from the sea and could wrap around the hull of a small boat and drag it down through the waves, drowning the poor souls on board. It is without a doubt that those creatures then eat those poor souls they have drowned."

An awed silence followed, and he grinned to hear it.

"I'm never going on a boat on the sea," Aline said fervently.

There came a faint call drifting from across the garden courtyard
and the bakery yard, through the kitchens open door, and Timothy
jerked his head round to listen, aware of the children moving to
listen, also. "I think that's your mother or one of the female
servants calling you," he told the children.

"It's mother. She'll be looking for us," said Manon. "We shouldn't
be here..."

"Where should you be?" Timothy asked, amused.

Celeste's voice was guilty. "At the table to partake of the noon
meal."

"So you'd best go and partake of it." Timothy swung back round on his stool to face the table once more, finding platter and beaker of ale with his fingers, aware he was being curiously watched. "I too must eat - and then I have work to attend to. I hope I managed to allay your fears about the possibility of my having three heads-" and he grinned as he took up his beaker of ale.

"Oh, you have that," Yves said seriously.

The group of children shifted to move, and then Manon said: "You'll not tell Father we were down here?"

"Not unless he asks," Timothy replied. "However, it may be politic
to bribe Hal on your way out so he doesn't tell."

They sniggered and moved away, and interestedly he followed them with his ears as they headed towards the kitchen door and then out of it, talking amongst themselves. And then he was alone again - save for the scullion in the corner who still sullenly sloshed and scrubbed away at cook-pots in the sink.

Timothy finished the bread on his platter, falling to thought.

Finally, wiping his hands on the sacking that hung from his belt, he set empty beaker on empty platter, and rising, took up the platter and leaving his guiding stick where it was propped against the table, crossed the kitchens to the sink without it, counting the
steps in his head. The dimensions of the kitchen would become
familiar very quickly and now that the kitchen workers had been
instructed to keep everything in the same place and not to leave
anything on the floor, he felt confident at moving around without
using his stick.

Reaching out and finding the shelf above the large square sink, he
placed the platter upon it, then felt below it to examine the
cleaned pots which had been set, dripping, on the slanted wooden
board beside the sink to drain.

"This is better," Timothy approved to the scullion. He ran a finger
across the inside of several pots and chafing dishes, pleased.

"Aye, sir," the scullion grunted in response.

"Much left to do?" Timothy asked the scullion, listening to the
slosh of water just by him as more was poured from a bucket into the sink. Standing beside the scullion, he reached out both hands and his fingers found the edge of the large stone sink.

"Aye, sir; all the pots stacked on the floor by your feet. But out
your way," the scullion added hurriedly, "set against the wall out
your way like you wanted."

Timothy smiled at the realisation that the kitchen workers had taken onboard his instructions, and bent, and feeling around by his feet, he found an assortment of platters, chopping boards and bowls and pots stacked in several small piles against the wall just by the sink. He lingered his fingers thoughtfully over the stacked shapes for a moment, then straightened up once more.

"What's your name?" Timothy asked, reaching out and finding the
boy's shoulder. He felt over it, curious, trying to gain some idea
of the person. The boy was tall, thin and rangy - yet seemed no
older than twelve or so - _younger than I when I started my
apprenticeship with Gilbert..._ Timothy thought.

"Giles, sir," the scullion replied.

Timothy unlaced the sleeves of his jerkin and rolled them and his
shirt sleeves up to his elbows, then lifted up a stack of platters
and mixing bowls from the pile on the floor and placed them in the
sink. He felt for the bucket sitting on the draining board and
angling it to one side, tipped fresh water into the sink. "Well,
Giles, I'll give you a hand to get this done."

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Nasir ~ written by Esther.
Posted on the HoS Yahoo group June 2006.


Nasir waited until Hubert and the Earl's hoofbeats had receeded then slipped back out onto the track. He was not concerned that they would linger in the forest. Hubert's wound was too severe and the man needed rest. Nasir had felt the soldier tense in pain behind him with every sharp movement of the horse. No, David would head straight out of Sherwood with only an injured man at his side. Nasir had other matters on his mind.

He turned and took a long, careful look at the track the two horses had taken back to Nottingham. He wanted to make sure there were no obvious traces that men had passed out from the trees this way. It was doubtful that anyone would be searching for such signs, but he had been trained to be thorough and the old habits died hard.

The brambles bent where the horses had pushed onto the main track, but these would spring back into place overnight. Any such marks of passing could have been left by a deer. The horses' prints were his concern. The curving shoe marks gave away that men had wandered deeper in the forest and Nasir wanted to follow their trail back to camp carefully and cover any sign of the beasts' passing.

He knelt on the dry earth and spread his hands over the ground, using both his eyes and fingers to search out the prints. The hardened mud did not hold anything too clear, but he brushed the ground over carefully and resettled the old leaves around the entranceway from the path. When he was satisfied that nothing beyond a wild animal could have disturbed the area, he stood and began to follow the path back to camp. It was slow going. He paused every so often to kneel and lower the level of his sight along the ground to ensure that he missed nothing and, as he worked, his thoughts turned to David.

He wondered what had passed between Robert and his father when they had stepped away from the camp. A tightly controlled anger emanated from the Earl throughout their journey back. A control that Nasir recognised from his own father, a man who had always kept tight rein on his emotions. Mahmoud had clung tenaciously to his position in the town of Enfeh, despite the coming of the barbarian infidels to their land, and been forced at times into compromises beyond his liking. It had not made him a comfortable man to live with.

Yet David's visit meant that the two fathers were not so alike. Like Robert, Nasir had been banished from his home, his family, but Mahmoud would never have searched him out the way David had done today.

He had told Robert of his banishment - the cold, hard facts of it.
There had been no need for more, for he knew Robert and knew his friend would accept it. He had been unable to articulate the horror of that day even though it was burned as clear in his mind as if it had happened only yesterday and as he thought on it the memories came thick and fast.

Enfeh had been slow to stir after the heat of that day. The men of the family had remained at the mosque after prayers to talk with friends. Hassan, Nasir and their father left first to return home. Mahmoud had soon lost patience with the meandering pace of the two young men as they'd paused to chat with others along the way.

When Mahmoud strode on ahead to the house, they had followed on slowly until Hassan stopped at a friend's house. Nasir had left him there, knowing Hassan would make his way home in his own time, and followed his father. The flat roofed house, its sandstone bricks blurred and softened by the hazy light, was silent and Nasir walked through it to the central courtyard puzzled by the quiet. The men would soon be returning for the evening meal and his sister, Sayida, should have been out in the courtyard overseeing the cooking fires and servants. There was no one about.

Pushing his way through the curtains covering the kitchen entrance he had found the old cook crouched at her work, peeling vegetables with a knife. She'd paused as he had entered and glanced fearfully at the doorway that led through to the women's quarters. At Sayida's door Nasir had drawn back the curtain and frozen at the scene that met his eyes.

Mahmoud stood in the centre of the room, his head bowed, his
shoulders heaving from exertion. At his feet lay Sayida -crumpled on the floor like a cloth doll carelessly discarded by a child in a moment of boredom. Mahmoud had turned to face him. His hands hung limply at his sides, knuckles raw and bleeding, his white robes marked by dark spatters.

Before he could stop himself Nasir had thrown himself at Mahmoud with murderous intent. Even now he remembered the feel of his father's flesh splitting beneath his blows, the crunch of cartilage and bone, the searing rush of rage that overrode the pain in his fists as he struck again and again. If his uncles had not dragged him away he'd have killed his father for what he'd done to Sayida.

Nasir had not found out until the men of his family held him up to
trial that his sister had been caught in her room with a man by
Mahmoud. Sayida had brought eib - shame - on their family. Her death was an honour killing and no man would have denied Mahmoud's right to deal with a wayward daughter in this way. Even as he mourned her Nasir had accepted his father's actions. Sayida had known the danger of being alone with a man, even if she believed she would not be caught. She had been brought up to understand eib, just as Nasir had been brought up to believe in sharif - honour. And above all else stood the honour of the family.

Nasir was passing now under a stand of beech trees. In full leaf the spreading branches threw dense shade and few plants grew beneath them. Strewn with the leaves of the previous autumn the earth held its dampness. The tracks made by the two horses stood clear in the softened ground - the marks of the first horse heavily indented, giving away to an experienced eye that he'd carried a much heavier load than the one that came behind. Nasir took some time to smooth over the mud and obliterate the tracks, his thoughts still lost in the past.

The trial had not taken long. Nasir was bought up from imprisonment in the storage cellar beneath the house where he'd been thrown two days earlier. His father's reception room was cool, the long shutters thrown back, the windows shaded with cloth, filtering the sunlight. On the great rug in the centre of the floor sat the men of the family, silent and uneasy. It was all so unlike the usual atmosphere of the room where Mahmoud entertained his merchant friends and associates. The courtyard outside the window - Sayida's domain, ruled by her with an iron will and usually the hub of the household - was silent except for the splashing of the fountain.

At the far end of the carpet sat Mahmoud himself, leaning awkwardly against a great heap of cushions. His beaked nose was twisted oddly out of shape, both eyes puffy and swollen almost shut beneath his turban, his dark skin mottled with bruises. Through the haze of hunger and exhaustion that blurred his senses Nasir heard the wheezing sound his father made as he struggled against his injuries to draw breath.

I did that to him, Nasir had thought as he bowed his head. If they hadn't come, if my Uncles hadn't heard the screams....

The matter of his fate had already been discussed and decided upon. None of the men had glanced at Nasir as the charges against him and Sayida were spoken - one an attempted murderer, the other a fornicator. Neither had Mahmoud looked at him when he spoke at last, painfully ennunciating the words through his swollen lips.

"My daughter brought shame upon my family. My son has brought shame upon me in equal measure. I mourn the deaths of my two children."

Nasir had been unable grasp the words. In a daze of confusion he was taken to say goodbye to his brothers and then out to the front of the house where he was pushed up on horseback. The Uncles escorted him past the mudbrick houses of the town and out through the walls. The sea sparked in the sunlight, foaming against the beach that lined the cliffs Enfeh stood upon. Gulls wheeled overhead their harsh calls mocking and echoing in his head. As they had crossed the river that watered the town's fields, Nasir thought that he too was to meet his death, at the hands of his Uncles.

As the terraces and fields had slipped away behind them the men pulled the horses to a halt. Saud, the youngest Uncle - at 20 only two years older than Nasir himself - handed him a large waterskin and a wrapped bundle, his dark eyes sympathetic.

"Ride Nasir, away from here, away from Enfeh. May the Prophet, the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, guide your path," Saud said, solemnly.

And Nasir had finally understood. His was a punishment as terrible and final as Sayida's. A living death - to be sent out into the land and denied by his family and never permitted to return.
 
The Uncles had drawn their swords and formed a line with their horses. If he tried to ride back they would kill him. For a moment he had been tempted to turn his horse at theirs and let it happen. An honourable way to die for the dishonour he'd given his father. But he was young. Fear pulsed in his veins and life called to him, so he'd spurred his horse and let her follow what path she chose, and turned his back on his home forever.

A particularly deep hoofprint drew Nasir back to the present as he concentrated on smoothing it away with his hand. He shifted his fingers over the humus of the forest floor to spread the dead leaves about, their colours dulled by age and rain, the veins lined with white mould. Around him the forest shifted and settled. A bird called its song above his head, a distinctive chiff chaffing trill, and he glimpsed its pale breast within the green canopy. He stood, satisfied with his work.

He was nearing the lake by the camp now, could smell the water drawn up into the air by the day's heat, but he was not ready to be amongst the others. His thoughts disturbed him, drew him back into a past he had long tried to forget, and he wanted to remain alone a while longer. The time was almost past for Asr, the evening prayer, and the meditative state would calm him.

He pushed on through the trees, making sure to circle the lake and come upon its shores from the furthest side so as not to meet any of the others. There was no wind, but the water rippled and dimpled as insects skimmed over its surface and fish fed on them from below.

He found the flat rock that he often used here for Salaat and removed his footwear. The water cooled his feet as he brushed the dirt and dust from his clothes. He bent to splash his face, careful to clean the inside of his nostrils and ears and rinse his mouth, then wash away all trace of mud from his hands and feet. He could not perform the ablutions completely but had long stopped worrying about that. Allah could see into the heart and mind of a man and read the intentions there and that mattered more, he felt, than clean clothes and a prayer mat.

Treading the water carefully, so as not to dirty his feet again, he
stepped up on the warm rock. It angled back from the water, but was wide and long enough for him to kneel and prostrate himself upon. For now he remained standing and found his direction, facing as best he could judge, towards the Holy City. He paused a moment to silence his thoughts, his feet planted slightly apart, his eyes downcast. Then, when the calm washed over him, he raised his head and in a low, ululating voice he began the private call to prayer.

                                      **********************